Life like Shattered Glass
by GooeyGummiBears
Summary: When disaster strikes, some people rise above it while others wallow in darkness and pity. How will Sasuke react to the biggest heart break of his life?
1. So High

**Life like Shattered Glass**

By **GooeyGummiBears**

"**And our futures are splitting us apart as we speak.**

**We'll get to that when it comes around,**

**None of that really matters now because you're here with me."**

**-So High **by **The Follow Through**

**Chapter 1: So High**

"Kakashi-san, I would've died without you. And, to tell the truth, I'm not sure what I'd do if I ever lost you…" Sasuke breathed in the sweet sent of his elder as he pressed small lips against the man's. _So warm, _he thought, practically melting into the kiss. It was an irresistibly tender feeling to be kissed by the man of his dreams – to let him explore his mouth the way no one else ever had, or could. He'd never felt anything like it in the 15 years he'd been alive. Nothing could compare to Kakashi's warm, soft lips pressed against his – or even just being with the man. Like a fairytale, it was all too unreal. Practically everyday the boy had to convince himself that the past year dating the gray haired man was more than just an amazing dream.

Kakashi's fingers gently intertwined with his lover's as he kissed back with burning passion. Sasuke's heart began to race and then ache; in need of more of the older man's attention. Every time the man so much as touched him, electricity shot through his body, leaving a fire-like trail of tingles that he just couldn't resist. Though the man surely could never understand what he did to the boy, he always left him despite for more. However, the level of passion that emanated from Kakashi's lips that night was a million a million times stronger than ever before. Sasuke could hardly contain all the emotions that raged inside him. He wanted to moan, have Kakashi kiss him all night, and maybe even feel the man inside him. But one emotion kept the rest at bay. For a reason he couldn't understand, he was racked with fear. Fear that Kakashi's passion was hiding something.

With a single hand running through and tangling Sasuke's duck hair, the man deepened the kiss – invading the boy's mouth with his slick, wet tongue. Pushing hard against him, Sasuke began to fall slowly back onto his bed. With a soft moan, he fell lightly against the heaven-soft sheets.

Kakashi hovered over him, drinking in the sight of the frail boy's flushed cheeks. The lamp flickered off his pale skin, making the contrast between his blush and the rest of his delicate skin increasingly noticeable. He was beautiful as always. No matter what kind of lighting Kakashi put him in, he never ceased to be amazed by the kid's beauty. Hell, he'd be gorgeous in a pitch black room. He smirked as the thought brought forth desires he wished he didn't have to hold back. Despite the fact that they were already alone in the room together – lights dimmed, the boy under him on the teasingly-soft bed – he had to hold back. Even though he knew they both wanted it, now was _not_ the time. He wanted his first time with the young Uchiha to be the best night of his life. Which meant it couldn't _possibly _be that night…

Because, in the morning he'd be gone, leaving nothing but memories in his wake. God only knew when – if – he'd see the boy again.

Yet, as much as he willed it and hoped that it would freeze completely, time continued to tick on. There was absolutely nothing he could do to change that. The clock bore a constant reminder that it was already half-past ten. He had, at the most, seven hours left. Kissing down the blissfully ignorant child's neck, something in Kakashi's chest tightened to the point where he could hardly breathe.

_I should tell him, _the man thought as he glanced at his lover. The boy was already dozing off, half on the border of dreaming. _No, _Kakashi corrected himself. _I __**should've **__told him. It's too late now. _The last thing he wanted to do was rob the boy of possibly the last peaceful night's sleep he'd get in a very long time.

With a surrendering sigh, Kakashi lied next to Sasuke, stroking the flawless skin of his cheek.

"I promise you won't ever lose me, Sasuke-kun," he whispered in jet black hair before he kissed the told of his head.

As if the boy heard though his sleeping state, the raven haired boy curled into Kakashi's side, a smile cemented onto his face.

The light of dawn shone though the windows onto Sasuke's face, willing his eyes to open. Slowly and reluctantly, he obeyed.

"Ka-san," he whined, his voice groggy from sleep. "Can you close the curtains? I want to sleep just a bit longer." He rolled over, sighing as he pulled the blanket over his head. _Why does he have to be such a morning person?_ When the grey haired man didn't respond, he popped his head out of the covers. One eye cracked open and he scanned his surroundings.

Kakashi was no where in sight.

The boy sat up against the wooden head board and yawned audibly. _I wonder where he's gone off to so early in the morning, _he thought to himself as he began to get up and dressed.

Stepping into his raggedy, old converse, he began to leave, but something caught his eye. On the nightstand was a neatly folded paper with the boy's name written in bold letters.

_Dear Sasuke,_

_This is not a goodbye, this is a "see you later". I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to tell you in person. I know that I really should've a long time ago. Please forgive me for being foolish, thinking this day might not come, but here it is. Just know that if I had a choice, it wouldn't be like this and I'll live for the day we get to be together again._

_With love, yours truly, Kakashi_

Sasuke stared blankly at the paper, not quite sure what to make of it. A puzzled look settled over his face. What did it even mean? Was Ka-san alright? Or was this supposed to be some kind of joke – because in no way was it funny… But it didn't seem like the kind of jokes he was used to the older man playing on him…Suddenly, a wave of panic washed over him.

Without a sound, Sasuke dropped the note and was gone be fore it hit the ground.

Naruto was mindlessly toying with his ramen, pushing from side to side as steam rose to his face, when Sasuke found him. Thankfully, the blonde spent ninety percent of his time at the ramen bar, so Sasuke hadn't been looking long.

"Oi, want do you want?" Naruto asked, not looking up. The energy that he was usually bursting with was gone without a trace left behind.

The boy with duck hair sat next to his friend. Clutching the fabric of his shorts, he whispered, "I woke up this morning and Ka-san wasn't there… I think he might be…gone." The words just barely slipped past his trembling lips.

"Yeah. Why are you so surprised? Didn't Kakashi tell you?" Naruto asked, completely monotone and interested.

"What do you mean? Tell me what?" the young Uchiha questioned.

"The Hokage sent the top shinobi to the other side of the country… Some kind of mission…" he whispered, bringing ramen to his lips, then quick setting it back into his bowl as if the smell made him want to vomit. Some one else might not have noticed, but it was painfully evident to Sasuke that Naruto was quivering slightly. He continued as he pushed his bowl away, "Iruka-sensei, Pervy Sage, Kakashi…," he trailed off. Burying his face into his elbow he whined, on the verge of tears, "I can't believe they're gone."

"But… Why? …When will they be back?" Sasuke breathed, unable to wrap his mind around the concept.

An ironic laugh escaped the blonde, "God knows…"

Sasuke clenched his teeth as he saw his friends shoulders begin to shake violently. Seeing someone as strong and optimistic as Naruto cry finally broke him. A single tear ran down Sasuke Uchiha's porcelain skin as the realization struck him like a million kunai blades to his heart. Kakashi was gone…possibly forever.

To be continued…

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><p><strong>Hello everyone. Thanks for reading the story so far. Hope you liked it. I wanted to worn everyone that this story is going to be pretty sad. Whether the ending is going to be happy or not, I'm not sure, but the middle definitely won't be. However I hope you continue reading and I'd like to hear what you think of it. Every review is extremely appreciated. Hope to see you in the next chapter.<strong>


	2. Keeping on Without You

"**Darling are you dreaming, are you dreaming of me now?**

**Screaming, are you screaming 'cause it's such a nightmare now?"**

**- Keeping on Without You** by **This Providence**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Keeping On Without You<strong>

Sasuke watched the clock as he sat in school. Seconds ticked by, turning into minutes, turning into hours – what was the difference? They all seemed to blend in together, never passing quick enough. He would give anything to just get out of this hell he called school and yet, he wished he never had to leave; the only thing worse than being at school was being at home. He sighed as another minute passed him by in silence.

_A week, _Sasuke reminded himself. _Get a grip. It's only been a week._ No matter how much the boy chastised and ridiculed himself, he couldn't bare the pain of the real world crashing down on him. It was horribly painful. He'd forgotten all about it. The pain he used to suffer every day. Kakashi – a brilliant, shining star in the never ending darkness – had come out of nowhere and eased those pains, but all too suddenly, it was back again. Tugging at his heart, he couldn't just ignore it like he wanted to so very badly. The pain from his past sprang up, holding onto the surface for dear life.

The past no longer seemed distant. The scars were in plain view. Wounds that had scabbed over with time and soft words spoken by Kakashi were suddenly ripped open and bleeding. Not so long ago, the raven haired boy was all alone with absolutely no hope to hold onto. His mother hated him. His brother despised him. Even Naruto – someone he'd come to call his friend – once turned his nose up at the poor boy. Girls drooled over him without having said a single word to him before. They liked him only for what there eyes seen. They would never like Sasuke for who he _really_ was – a monster. In those days, his only true friend was his razor blade….

Yes, that was how he dealt with the pain he was plagued with. He was disgusted at the thought of self harm, yet he couldn't control himself. He needed to feel. To know that he was alive and that he could feel something other than the pain. More pain seemed to make it clear to him that he actually was still living. Something about the blood dripping down his arm and staining the pure white sheets and leaking though to the mattress made him smile. Not only was he alive, but he was paying for everything he'd done wrong in life. All the mistakes he'd made, all the people he'd hurt. That made him happy in some way. If he cared more, he might've wondered why he thought in such an unhealthy way.

Those days, he was always a runner. He ran from his fears and everything that could possibly hurt him.

_It was a cold night, the air nipped at Sasuke's bare arms. He took no notice as he ran, cars honking at him as they swerved so they wouldn't hit him. Tears streamed down his face and his hands were clenched into fists so tight that his skin was pale. His legs burned and his heart raced. All he could think about was getting as far away from home as possible. He wasn't sure were he was going, but he didn't care. All he could do was run until his legs gave way – which was exactly what he did._

_He stopped once he reached the very top of a hill. His legs buckled under him, unwilling to move an inch more. Through wide, tear-filled eyes, he took in his surroundings. This place was completely foreign to him, but he didn't really care. The sight, though, was remarkable. Past the railing – seemingly close enough to touch – was the city he called home. He never thought of it as a good place. In fact, he thought it was one of the more run down places to live, but seeing it from way up high – each building sparkling and towering over the next, the bridge in the distance, brightened by decorative lights – it all seemed oddly magical. He wished this sight could be real, that maybe there was a little goodness in life, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it._

_Slowly, he rolled up his left sleeve and eyed his wounds wearily. These were the truth of life. The twinkling city below him was just a façade. It may have looked pretty, but it held immeasurable pain. He was proof of the sick, disgusting creatures that dwelled in the pretty cover. His wrist was proof of all the pain…_

"_What's your name?" an unfamiliar voice asked. The hairs on the back of Sasuke's neck stood up straight and he jumped at the sudden sound. He looked up, his eyes meeting those of a tall man, maybe eighteen or nineteen, with unruly silver hair and a scarf that covered the bottom half of his face._

"_Oh, sorry," Sasuke mumbled, yanking the sleeve of his shirt back down. _

_He got up the leave, but the man continued, "I asked what your name was, not for you to leave."_

_After eying the man suspiciously, he sat back down on the cold grass. "Sasuke Uchiha," he said. The man didn't look at the boy as he replied, "Sasuke, huh?" He swirled the name around on his tongue, trying to get a good feel of it. Finally, deciding he quite liked the name, he spoke again, "Kakashi Hatake." There was a silence between the two as there gazed were set on something ahead of them. "You know… I cut too."_

_Sasuke's fists clenched. So he had seen…. He cursed himself for being so careless. No one knew of his cuts, not even his own mother. Slowly, his mind wrapped around what the other had told him. Telling him just like that… Who was he anyways? The man obviously knew nothing of pain, so he wasn't sure whether to believe him or not. He probably cut for the attention, like some of the want to be 'emo' people at his school. Why would you harm yourself just to be labeled a freak by people who didn't even know you? They showed there cuts off like it was a joke or some kind of art. No, this man could never know pain like he did. No one would ever – could ever – understand the pain he felt. He tried his best not to make eye contact with the man._

"_Some one as promising as you should'nt be doing something so dangerous," Kakashi told him as he pushed up from his spot on the floor. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he began to walk away._

_As the small, raven haired boy stared in amazement, the man stopped, turned ever so slightly, and said," Maybe I'll see you around again sometime, Sasuke Uchiha." And with that, he disappeared into the night._

_The boy had never been so dumbfounded in his life. Whoever this 'Kakashi' guy was, he secretly hoped he _would _see him again. He walked home pondering the man's words. _Promising, huh? Is that what I am?

**BRIIIING**

Sasuke's head snapped up as the last bell of the day blared throughout the halls of his school. _Shit! I was asleep?_ he thought as his heart sank. _I hope I didn't miss anything important.… I swear, if my grades drop any lower, mom'll kill me for sure._ After quickly shoving all of his school supplies into his plaid backpack, he rushed out of class with everyone else. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if she found out.

The boy with jet black hair slowed as he came upon his small apartment complex. He could hear the screaming and yelling before he even reached the door. Fear welled in the pit of his stomach, and he swallowed to try to make it go away. _Not again, _he thought, his hand frozen on the door knob. He couldn't count how many times his mother and Itachi had fought in the week he'd been home. A pang of loneliness and longing hit him. He missed Kakashi so much… Just living with him made his life a million times more peaceful. For a moment, he just stood there, too frightened to move. He didn't know what would happen if he entered the house at this point, and he wasn't too eager to find out. However, he couldn't just stand on the porch all night.

With a deep breath, he shut his eyes and uttered a few words of encouragement, "For Ka-san…"

And with that, he turned the knob, pushed the door open slowly, carefully, and took a cautious step inside.

Eyes glued to the floor, he shuffled quickly to his room, pretending, or rather trying, to block out his mothers yelling.

"Itachi, you good for nothing low life!" she hissed, her voice filled with pure hate. "Why can't you – uh, excuse me, Sasuke. Where do you think you're going?"

His heart stopped and his blood ran cold. Shakily, he turned to her. "I-I just…"

"Yeah, right. Your school phoned. They said you fell asleep in class. Are you stupid, Sasuke? What the fuck is wrong with you? You crazy or something? You can't AFFORD to fall asleep in class. You're at a C average. That's NOT GOOD ENOUGH."

Sasuke lowered his head in shame and stared at the dirty tiles beneath his converse as he whispered, "I'm sorry mom… I-I really am t-trying…"

"MY ASS YOU'RE TRYING. IF YOU WERE TRYING, YOUR GRADES WOULD BE UP BY NOW. Fuck, why can't I have at least one successful child? All I'm left with are two stupid brats that can't do shit right. I should've gotten a damn abortion," she sobbed, sitting down with her face in her hands. After a moment, she took a swing of her almost empty beer.

Itachi – who had been staring at his brother in disgust at the display of weakness – let his eyes drop and they both dispersed into their separate rooms, shutting the doors behind them in shame.

_It's just like old times, _Sasuke thought to himself. _No, it's worse. _Before, the boy had been able the deal with the pain – bare with it – the only way he could manage: cutting and running. But now…. Those thing were out of his grasp…

A single memory flooded his vision.

_It was the first night Kakashi had let the boy into his house. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, but a he stepped inside, his pain seemed to lessen – id only just a tiny bit. With a sniffle, he took in the sight of his surroundings. The place was no bigger than his own cramped, little apartment, yet it seemed warmer. The dim lighting soothed his raw nerves and helped him relax. _

_The tall man led the boy to sit on the couch it the living room. "Would you like anything to eat? Or drink? Anything at all?" he asked._

_Sasuke just shook his head, at a loss for words at the moment._

_With a sigh, the older man approached him, knelt by his side and silently, without asking, but with quite some force, pulled the boy's left sleeve up._

_His breath hitched as if it was the first time he'd truly seen the result of his own work. In front of Kakashi, in the dim, soothing light of his apartment, the wounds seemed different. They looked unnatural, ugly, disgusting. Sasuke had to avert his gaze to avoid the sickening feeling he was beginning to sense come one. How could he have done that to himself? And why? What could be so horrible about his life that he could do such a thing? He gulped, unwilling to search his mind for an answer._

"_Sasuke," Kakashi called, capturing and returning his attention once again. The man's eyes fluttered closed and suddenly, soft lips were placed upon his cuts. "Please stop this. What would I do if I ever lost you?"_

_Tear once again returned to the boy's eyes as his heart froze. He knew at that moment he had a simple, undying love for the grey haired man._

That memory was something that Sasuke kept locked away in his heart. He didn't know what, but there was something about it that made tears form at the corners of his eyes. There was nothing more he wanted than for the man he loved whole-heartedly to come back to him; to soothe his fears and his pain once again and completely envelope him in sweet warmth.

To be continued…

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><p><strong>So bittersweet, I even feel bad for making Sasuke feel this way. (Blame my fingers, not me) Don't be sad, Sasuke, it'll be ok…. Thank you to all of you who reviewed, I'm glad you liked it. It's quite sad, but hey, I warned you didn't I? Please review and tell me what you think, but even if you don't, please keep reading. This is one story I'm going to finish regardless of if people hate it or love it. Hope to see you in the next chapter.<strong>


	3. You and I

"**And nobody said that love was easy,**

**But nobody said it'd be this hard.**

**And I should've known from the beginning,**

**That missing you is the hardest thing to do."**

**-You and I **by** Tyler Brown Williams**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: You and I<strong>

A deep scowl graced Sasuke's thin, pursed lips as he stared at the screen of his cell phone. A bright, blueish light shone from it, illuminating the room with a dark glow. His heart made that sickening feeling again, like it was imploding in on itself. He cast his eyes away and jabbed at the END button far too many times then what was necessary to exit his mobile web browser. With a tightened jaw, he sunk into his pillow, sighing in defeat. The sheets no longer smelled of Kakashi's shampoo and laundry detergent. No, the last proof of the man's existence had faded weeks ago.

The thought made him cringe.

On his nightstand, his alarm clock shone 3:53 in bright green numbers as if it was desperate to mock and taunt him. However, he just shifted onto his back and locked his gaze on the ceiling.

He didn't care anymore.

Though he knew he'd wake up exhausted, or end up missing his bus, but he had stopped caring a long time ago. Because, these were things he had grown accustomed to. He was used to being late to school. He was used to waking up in the middle of the night – seemingly for no reason.

In reality, he knew the reason. What he didn't know was why he tried so hard to pretend he didn't.

Every time his half lidded eyes were greeted by his cold, empty room he was always confused. There was always that moment – be it seconds or minutes – where a sudden sense of fear tightened his chest and he had to franticly search his surroundings for his Ka-san.

It was like those days, back when he was so small that he had to stand of his tippy toes to see over tables, when he would get separated from Itachi in the supermarket. Though he should've known better, there was always that gripping fears that maybe his family and forgotten about him and left.

Abandoned…

Only, these days, as he searched the darkness for that familiar warmth, that soothing smile, _his Ka-san, _the grey haired man was no where to be found.

He really had been…abandoned.

His jaw loosened slightly as he tried to calm himself down. He was getting sick and tired of all this over dramatic thinking. After over a month, you'd figure he'd stop moping about, but he couldn't help himself. It almost seemed as if, without Kakashi, there was no point to life.

_Stop it already, _he chided himself, stealing a quick glance at his cell phone laying beside him.

It seemed that, lately, he was on the small device nearly every second of the day, checking his email. Because, really, it was all he _could _do.

Kakashi didn't have a cell phone, so there was no late night texting or calling. And the mission he had been sent on was secret, so there would be no letters arriving in the mail. That left only one option: email.

Sasuke had already sent a few, but had yet to receive a reply. It made that swirling ball of hopelessness grow in the pit of his stomach.

He closed his eyes again, ready and eager to escape from his reality.

If there was one thing he loved about life – if there was one reason that made life worth living at that moment – it was that, at the end of the day, no matter how horrible he felt, he'd always get to dream.

And his dreams were _always_ about his Ka-san.

_Always…_

_x_

_Sasuke immediately recognized the sweet smell of the apple cinnamon shampoo Kakashi always used and his chest swelled with unimaginable joy. As an instinct, he began to take deeper breaths, inhaling as much of the scent as humanly possible, a smile gracing his lips as he did so._

"_Ka-san," he murmured, knowing the grey haired man had to be close. Yet, he was too tired to pry his eyes open and have a look around._

_However, his call was answered shortly after, not by words at first, but by strong arms wrapping around his mid section._

"_Yes, Sasu-kun?" the man purred into his ear, making Sasuke's heart leap and a smile dace around his lips. God, how he loved to be called that. He loved how the name seemed to spill from Kakashi's perfect lips like love itself. _

"_Hold me closer," the raven whispered against his elder's chest. Just as he uttered the words, he could feel himself being squeezed tighter ever so slightly._

_Yet, still, Kakashi shook his head, "No, Sasuke."_

_For the first time, the boy's eyes peeked open and he glanced up at his lover with wide, confused, doe eyes that sparkled in the dim lighting._

"_But why?" he asked, his voice a small, solemn whisper._

_The older man rested his soft, pink lips on Sasuke's forehead lightly before he spoke._

"_Because," he explained, smiling that brilliant, soothing smile that turned his eyes into cresents, "I'm afraid I might break you if I hold on too tight. Then I'd be Sasuke-less – and I never want that to happen. _Ever._"_

_Heat spread through the boy's cheeks as he stared up at the grey haired man with wide eyes. "K-Ka-san…" he whispered as he closed his eyes again and hid his face in the man's strong, safe chest. "I love you Ka-san," he whispered. His heart beating so slowly, he thought it might stop completely._

_Though, he couldn't find it in himself to care if it did. After all, could there be any happier, more peaceful way to die?_

"_I love you too, Sasu-kun. And I always will…"_

_And, though he said he wouldn't, he pulled the boy as near as he could, still feeling as if it wasn't quite close enough._

_x_

This time, as Sasuke's sleep ridden eyes wrestled themselves open, there was no wafting apple cinnamon smell, there was no heart warming smile, and there was no Ka-san. There was only a room – only a cold, dark, empty room.

He hadn't realized he was crying until strangled sobs began to wrench themselves from behind his clenched teeth. They jerked out of him until he was forced to turn onto his side and curl into the tightest ball he could manage. It was all he could do to keep from screaming as the warm tears slid from his eyes, soundlessly plodding against his pillow and dampening it as they dripped from his cheeks.

If there was one thing he hated the most about life – one reason to justify ending his life – it was that, at one point or another, he always woke up from his dreams, realizing that they were nothing more then figments of his imagination and remnants of far away memories.

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><p><strong>Whoa, ok so I was in a dark place when I wrote this ._.<strong>

**Anyways, I'm sorry it took so long to update. Don't kill me! I hope you liked it even though nothing really happened. I'm just trying to show how time is passing. I liked this chapter so there :P Haha, I'm just kidding. Reviews? Please! I NEED them! I'll cry if you don't! Don't make me cry, people! So go, click the review button and leave me something nice! Please?**

**-Gummi Out**


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